Article I. Thou shalt ban whatever carry thy teammates have requested to play.
Article II. Me mid or feed.
Article III. Forsooth! Thou hast not saved mine life! Verily, fuck thee, noob Soraka. Y thee no heal noob fucker?
Article IV. It is written, <enemy carry> OP.
Article V. In the tradition of our forebears, thou shalt uninstall, for it is thine fault that we now taste defeat. Indeed, thou art a carry most lacking in skille and I hate thee with all the passion I have previously reserved for mine lover. I suspected that I should have selected Tristana while I was engaged in instalocking Evelynn. In conclusion, good sir, go and fuck thyself with a rusty spoone. In defense of God and country, all report Corki feeder gg.
Article VI. Fuck thy Tryndamere, for he knowest that he couldst not survive my onslaught in man-to-man combat. Tryndamere, I challenge thee to a duel! Though it is neither conducive to my team's overall welfare, nor relevant to the mission at hand, I wish to demonstrate my poor judgement and misunderstanding of mechanics! I shall await thee at Baron!
Article VII. Me <new champion> or me feed.
Article VIII. Thine threats of Tribunal action distress me not! Those reports do nothing of substance! Thy frustration amuses me!
Article IX. Mine team has emerged victorious! Thou art therefore a sorry mess of worthless neophytes, undeserving of my respect or attention! I, and I alone can claim credit for this glorious victory, rendered all the more impressive for my having overcome such a shit-tacular offering of assistance from mine allies! Fuck thee, and fuck thee again! Thou hast been wrecked, noobfucker! Thou shouldst uninstall!
Article X. Blasphemy! <New champion> OP.
Article XI. Thou hast failed to assist me according to my expectations. I shall therefore while away the remainder of our time here by assisting our enemy's war effort. Although in any other military I would be summarily executed, thou canst not reach me, and therefore fuck thee.
Article XII. Thou shalt lock a role other than what thou hast declared, forcing thy teammates to scramble for a new consensus in under fifteen seconds. Thou shalt remain silent during their panic. Thou shalt not forget to blame the person who wouldst play the role thou hast locked. They came to thy team and they took thy job! Thou art correct to seize thine occupation back from such a mongrel.
Article XIII. Thou hast defeated me. Get a fucking life. Thou art a fucking nerd. How dost thou like it in thine mother's basement? Fuck thee.
Article XIV. gg noob team
Article XV. Thou shalt make a thread on General Discussion declaring thyself to have descended into the treacherous depths of Elo hell.
Article XVI. General Discussions giveth neither a fuck nor a shite regarding thine misery. Thou shalt go fuck thyself. Thou shalt cry a little. Thou shalt bring thy concerns to Reddit.
Article XVII. Thou hast bested me in a gentlemenly duel. 'Twas thine luck that secured my defeat, thine skill having had nothing to do with the outcome. Thou shalt come at me bro.
Article XVIII. Thou shalt build thy champion according to my instructions, for I am the foremost authority on all matters concerning or relating to Leagues and also Legends. Thou shalt not question mine orders. Thou shalt buy all the wards for our team! Thou art a knave and a scoundrel.
Article XIX. If it shall come to pass that a battle is to be waged over a critical resource or objective, thou shalt farm thy Bloodthirster at a safe distance. Fuck thine comrades! Thou shalt carry with thine stacks!
Article XX. Fuck mine jungler, for he is most assuredly responsible for our predicament. He hath neglected to gank, and now mine enemy hath outfarmed me. I perish, and the infidel becometh fed! Woe is me, that I should be fated to fight alongside such a cretin!
EDIT: Thou shalt update thine Summoner's Code to include such Amendments and Addenda as the community shall specifye. Thou shalt credit Bigern_, iArnav, SteelyThews, Kryptopsy, FirstOne617, and soah1086. Thou shalt make TheChance a sandwiche of corned beef and Swiss on dark rye.
EDIT2: Thou shalt thank thine peers for thine first foray into the front page of a subreddit!